12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are. Here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep them on course.

1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.
3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create one for you.
4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly.
5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. If you feel that it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within yourself to find out what piece is missing. Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole. The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves.– Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.
9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)
10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.
11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Your kindness and gratitude matters.
12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

Leading vs manipulating

After reading this post about needy men who could not make decision (lead),

http://www.relationship-advice-for-all.com/needy-men.html#lol

I decided to find out the difference between leading and manipulating.

Both leading and manipulating may appear to be wanting other people to do something.

http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2011/02/16/leaders-are-manipulators/

For me I think the thin line lies in whether the other person wants to follow (with his or her own heart).

A leader discover and plot out a path A or B, he then let his team choose (he doesn’t influence their decisions).

A follower doesn’t even know what are the options.

A manipulator wants to walk B and will make A looks bad.

I think a leader also has his/her team’s well being in mind.

Respect is really not an easy thing to learn/practise. (Take effort to practise).

Over respect or admiration becomes needy, seeking affirmation.

evolution

When we stop and think about what the evolution worldview is doing, it is really simple.
They are arranging fossils in an order that makes them look like a sequence.
That is no different than if I line up a series of rings from small to large to say that one evolved from the other.
I can come up with all kinds of reasons to support my theory too! I can reason that based on shape, color, size, even chemical makeup, all of which would make sense if I already believe that one evolved from the other.
I would be looking for proof to support my theory instead of looking at facts and drawing conclusions.
In an evolutionist’s mind, evolution is already true—not because the evidence supports it, but because it is what they want to believe.

Secret of Howard Schultz success, his four principles: "Don't be threatened by people smarter than you. Compromise anything but your core values. Seek to renew yourself even when you are hitting home runs. And everything matters."

三個解決所有問題的方法：接受它、改變它、放下它。不能

接受，就改變；不能改變，那就放下吧。

Translation: three solutions for every problem; accept it, change it, leave it. If you can't accept it, try changing it, if you can't change it, leave it.

他和她已经分手两年了，两年来他每天下班习惯性地打开她的博客，看看她一天的心情。她有时候高兴，有时候悲伤，有时候失落，他只是静静地注视着，不做一点评论，甚至删掉了自己的浏览记录。直到有一天她博客上挂满了她的婚纱照，下面有一行小字：“我嫁人了，不等你了，不更新了。”

Of sleep and dreams

Sleep is that which cuts into your active life. And dreams are that which cut into your passive sleep. Both are said to be necessary, but most people would rather do without them. Most, I said, but not all.
Some people love to sleep, just as some people love to dream. Strangely enough, some people love doing both. Well, what can we say? If they love it, they love it. Their waking life might not be that interesting, so they'd rather sleep. Or it may just be that they are plain sleepy.And then dreaming may be preferable to waking life for many, just so long as the dreams don't turn into nightmares of course. Can you imagine going off to sleep expecting to have sweet dreams, and getting stuck in a nightmare? I suppose it's a risk you have to take if you want to dream.

It's almost like waking life, come to think of it. You set out to live your life expecting it to be a dream, and it turns out to be a nightmare. So it seems waking life and sleep are both risky propositions. Both can be a dream, and both can turn into nightmares.Here's the deal, then. If your waking life is a mess, that is, a nightmare, you can go off to sleep, and hope to have dreams that will relieve your waking nightmare. On the other hand, if you're having nightmares in your sleep, you can wake up, and end the torture.

But, no. It's not as easy as it sounds. If your life is a nightmare, even sleep escapes you. You'll lie awake in bed, dwelling on your nightmare life. And if you're having a nightmare in your sleep, you can't snatch yourself out of it, unless you're woken up by some disturbance.

There just seems to be no escape, or easy way out. Or perhaps there is. There are people who sleep without dreaming, and dream while awake. I really can't say how they accomplish this. All I know is it can be done. I've seen it being done. At least the dreaming while awake, that is. It's not possible to see the sleeping without dreaming. We just have to take their word for it.
The dreaming while awake can be observed, and it's quite fun to observe. The eyes remain open, so you might be deceived. But there are other signs. For example, you may say something to a dreaming person, and the person will look blankly at you. Or the person may say something entirely irrelevant to what you said. There are many other signs, but we need to get on with our topic.

Sleep and dreams, then, are both necessary, but they don't come when you want them to, and steal upon you when you don't want them. Dreams, especially, reveal things about you you'd rather not know, and don't reveal stuff you'd love to see.
The whole phenomenon of sleep, dreams, and waking life can be summed up in this way. People sleep when they'd rather be awake; stay awake when they'd rather be sleeping. They dream when they'd rather be sleeping; sleep when they'd rather be dreaming. They sleep and dream when they'd rather be awake and dreaming; stay awake and dream when they'd rather be sleeping and dreaming. They sleep without dreaming when they'd....(you get the point.)

别让生活有 太多遗憾..

你改变不了环境，但可以改变自已.. 因为年轻，所以会经历一些事情，比如爱情，比如友情， 没有人能够永远快乐幸福 的过每一天。 没有人能够坦然的面对自己的坚强和软弱。

我一直鬧著玩的樣子 你應該不知道我真的愛你 愛到不可自拔的地方，­只是在我們一起的時候總覺得說了就會被你取笑，所以一直都没有說­，聽著你叫我寶貝也會覺得你是鬧著玩，一點都不是出自真心，但我­好後悔，現在你離我而去，我再多說這些想念、愛你的話也没有用，­現在的我就只可以在一個充滿你的氣味的房間哭泣，真的第一次覺得­就連呼吸這個生理需求都會很痛。在這幾年，大家相處這麼久，在不­同地方擁有這麼多回憶，在我心中現在都是一種痛，跟你一起去過的­地方我一秒都待不下去，眼淚不自覺的就會流了下來。我真的很想你­回到我身邊來，縱使我知道事實改變不了，但一下子感情說没了就没­了，我不是機器人，我真的感到很痛。

放开你的手　不管等多久
失败是成功之母　
我们不怕苦　找得到路

(H)你教我的歌　你唱歌的声
将那人潮都暗哑　
甜美而优雅　好牵挂

原来思念也有生命　有呼吸　有你
扎根在我的心　像部分身体
再多的风雨　再多不允许
都不能阻挡我们在一起

原来思念有意义　有爱与　勇气
我不在身边就让思念代替
代替我去爱你　去呵护你

放开你的手　送你到最后
你的泪在我胸口
不管等多久　无所求

Of Time

Time is merely a mutually accepted invented measure. The idea for clocks could have come from the idea that the universe, or at least our sun and moon and the planets that were visible when clocks were invented, go around like wheels within wheels.

A clock is a convenient re-occurring mechanical event mechanism divided up into chunks of what is most widely accepted as seconds minutes and hours.

People that have no urgent business or places to be have no problem sleeping when it is dark and living actively when it is light, no need for clocks really as they know the fish they want to catch, rather than the plane or train, bite before first light and last light, what more would you need? If you want to catch something as large as a plane you need a bloody big hook and smaller divisions of day or night to be wherever when the one you want to catch appears unless you are prepared to sit around all day and night and wait for it, which a lot of people seem to do......

Through some quirk of mathematics there is no such thing as a straight line, apparently if it is let loose in the universe it will eventually end up where it started, a big circle!

It has been said by Archemedes, that a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, if this is true then that straight line we let loose in the universe is not a circle but merely an infinitesimally small dot, to a point where perhaps it doesn't even exist, as the beginning and the end would be in the same place making the shortest distance between them right where it began, which kind of suggests that time is either non existant or not a requirement for a complete existance, moments being non divisive, then to make the concept even more fascinating, where is the beginning? is it where we first visually observe or is it some place else like in its conceptual beginning?whilst measured time conceives physical change time is not necessary for us to exist, ergo, one exists regardless of time.

Silence

Noise is a form of communication. It is pollution for the senses. An overwhelming noise wins attention. “Get out of my way! I am here....” is the message. The outer world has its own ways.

Even though tolerance can allow us to endure noise, disengagement from it; will allow us not to be there while being there. The journey of knowing, starts in experiencing noise; then that experience ascends to a sound which when arranged harmoniously, will become music to the ears. The journey ends up in the most beautiful, fulfilling and complete sound of all: silence.

Nature has sounds: we hear the voice of the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees , along with the cheerful chanting of birds , in a magnificent duet, which brings sensory beauty to the exquisite pleasure of seeing Nature's elegant display of colors and shapes. In that setting, man is in harmony with the self only when allowing himself to be touched by the caressing hands of mother Nature. In that fulfilling state, sounds become music. An unforgettable tune with no lyrics other than an appreciative heart.

The heart displays its own tune through a heartbeat, and those sounds become a tender lullaby which have the ability to awaken the beauty of the soul. The spirit becomes alive and awaken through the experience of beauty in Nature, that is when the mind opens up by letting itself go along with the gentle notes of that natural song coming from the heart.

That is a precious experience.

The mind becomes empty of thoughts, ideas, beliefs and memories. The mind is finally free from the bondage of words. The mind becomes free from the roller coaster of emotions. In that state resides the opportunity to feel something unlike yesterday; that is the chance to feel “alive” now.

That is silence of the mind.

However, the mind desperately clings to ideas and beliefs like branches of a tree relying on the strength of a column to raise up. Those beliefs, ideas and “truths” become the only source of security. The tree becomes dependent on that column to survive, just like the mind without the experience of silence becomes dependent on the noises to feel alive. The mind creates a wall of expectations: Every known thing has a label and through words, the mind decorates those labels, those names with pretty flowers. Those labels become the object of survival. They become the thing rather than just a description of the real thing.

An empty mind of preconceptions, ideas, words, labels, judgments and opinions is necessary to experience that fulfilling, restful silence . In that state of emptiness, the rays of happiness of the sun of knowledge, the supreme being; will be cheerfully received by the eager sunflowers. The mind is an eager sunflower which needs that light of spirituality to survive. A mind that is fulfilled with that beauty requires to be empty first. Emptiness brings silence; and love to God brings sweet silence.

The journey of freedom starts by knowing noise, for only when we know noise, we can cherish silence.

别问

别问我的伤 别问我的痛
别问我的心中是否在流血
别问我是否心已碎
别问酒逢故人醉不醉
别问我的苦 别问我的悲
别问我的流浪是否很疲惫
别问我是否还有泪
别问魂萦旧梦对不对
也别问我会不会


你走就走，干干脆脆，管我怎么样.

一件事，就算再美好，一旦没有结果，就不要再纠缠，久了你会倦，会累；一个人，就算再留念，如果你抓不住，就要适时放手，久了你会神伤，会心碎。有时侯，放弃也是一种坚持。你错失了夏花绚烂，必将会走进秋叶静羌。任何事，任何人，都会成为过去，不要跟它过不去，无论多难，我们都要学会抽身而退。

总有一个人，一直住在心里，却告别在生活里。忘不掉的是回忆，继续的是生活，来来往往身边出现了很多人，总有一个位置，一直没有变。看看温暖的阳光，偶尔还是会想一想。

Addressing the weak spots

Addressing the weak spots

Every generation of new iPhone (and its iOS) has appeared to be aimed at erasing the top three (and only the top three) complaints of the previous model, changes which have also happened to be the top three advantages held by competing products.

The second generation iPhone 3G added 3G mobile service, GPS and lowered the price dramatically, while iOS 2.0 added third party apps, enterprise features and push messaging, making the iPhone competitive with Palm OS, Symbian, BlackBerry and Windows Mobile, while also holding its own advantages in usability.

The third generation iPhone 3GS added more speed, RAM and a better camera capable of video, while iOS 3.0 added a sophisticated text selection method for copy/paste, MMS and tethering, Find My Phone and expanded Bluetooth support, again matching the top unique features that other mobile platforms and their devices held over the iPhone.

Last year's fourth generation iPhone 4 provided a much improved Retina Display, a faster processor, and a much better set of cameras with flash, while iOS 4.0 added Multtasking, FaceTime and Spotlight search, again bringing Apple's smartphone into parity with the formerly unique features of webOS and Android competitors.

This year, Apple similarly looked at the three weakest spots of iPhone 4 and determined they were its overall speed, camera and Voice Command. Apple subsequently released iPhone 4S with the same multicore A5 processor as iPad 2, a significantly better camera, and an entirely new voice interface, which leverages cloud computing to deliver not just voice recognition, but actual assistant functions powered by unique artificial intelligence processing.

In software, Apple identified iOS 4's weakest spots as being its MobileMe cloud services, its forced attachment to iTunes and its modal notifications system, and fixed all three as the primary new features in iOS 5.

Personal philosophy

Choosing a personal philosophy is not about what is right or wrong or seeking the truth. It is about choosing a set of guidelines to live your life by. It is about choosing the person you want to be. It can take years or even decades to develop a philosophy that is all your own or you can choose from the many philosophies in existence.

My personal philosophy is a blend of existentialism, secular humanism, and objectivism. This may seem somewhat confusing, but I have found that different people and different situations require a different approach, and that my personal philosophy adapts to these variances. For the most part, I believe that people deserve to live their life in a way that will bring them the most happiness without causing harm to others. The standards and restrictions of morality can cause society to judge those that should not be judged, while at the same time keeping the values of self-preservation.

When looking at the world at face value, there are givers, and there are takers. This is not always true. If I were exclusively a secular humanist, I would accept that there are takers, and as a giver, I would cater to this group and have no qualms with inner workings of human nature. However, I do have issues with this. I believe that it is very important to have relationships that are mutually beneficial without being completely self indulgent. There should be a balance between the greed and self importance of objectivism and the ambivalence of humanism.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to better your situation and to be successful in life. There is nothing wrong with connecting with people that will help you in this process, but losing your “soul” can be detrimental to mental growth and stability. Happiness and determination are not the same thing. Some people never find happiness although the motivation to succeed is there. Happiness is finding the beauty in the human experience. For me, happiness is knowing what I am doing will benefit our species as a whole. Progression and evolution happens when we challenge traditional mindsets.

So far, there has not been a single philosophy that can be universally accepted and practiced, but that is not a bad thing. If we don’t grow, change, and progress through this life, our lives, culture, and race will become stagnant and void of meaning. What is true today may not be true tomorrow, but life is a voyage, not a game that we win or lose. The end does not matter as much as the path we have taken to get there.

7 principles of design

DESIGN AND COLOUR


The elements and principles of design are the building blocks used to create a work of art. The elements of design can be thought of as the things that make up a painting, drawing, design etc. Good or bad - all paintings will contain most of if not all, the seven elements of design.

The Principles of design can be thought of as what we do to the elements of design. How we apply the Principles of design determines how successful we are in creating a work of art.

THE ELEMENTS OF DESIGN

LINE
Line can be considered in two ways. The linear marks made with a pen or brush or the edge created when two shapes meet.

SHAPE
A shape is a self contained defined area of geometric or organic form. A positive shape in a painting automatically creates a negative shape.

DIRECTION
All lines have direction - Horizontal, Vertical or Oblique. Horizontal suggests calmness, stability and tranquillity. Vertical gives a feeling of balance, formality and alertness. Oblique suggests movement and action
see notes on direction

SIZE
Size is simply the relationship of the area occupied by one shape to that of another.

TEXTURE
Texture is the surface quality of a shape - rough, smooth, soft hard glossy etc. Texture can be physical (tactile) or visual.
see notes on texture

COLOUR
Also called Hue
see notes on colour

VALUE
Value is the lightness or darkness of a colour. Value is also called Tone
see notes on tonal contrast
THE PRINCIPLES OF DESIGN

BALANCE
Balance in design is similar to balance in physics

A large shape close to the center can be balanced
by a small shape close to the edge. A large light
toned shape will be balanced by a small dark toned
shape (the darker the shape the heavier it appears to be)

GRADATION
Gradation of size and direction produce linear perspective. Gradation of of colour from warm to cool and tone from dark to light produce aerial perspective. Gradation can add interest and movement to a shape. A gradation from dark to light will cause the eye to move along a shape.

REPETITION
Repetition with variation is interesting, without variation repetition can become monotonous.

The five squares above are all the same. They can be taken in and understood with a single glance.

When variation is introduced, the five squares, although similar, are much more interesting to look at. They can no longer be absorbed properly with a single glance. The individual character of each square needs to be considered.

If you wish to create interest, any repeating element should include a degree of variation.

CONTRAST
Contrast is the juxtaposition of opposing elements eg. opposite colours on the colour wheel - red / green, blue / orange etc. Contrast in tone or value - light / dark. Contrast in direction - horizontal / vertical.
The major contrast in a painting should be located at the center of interest. Too much contrast scattered throughout a painting can destroy unity and make a work difficult to look at. Unless a feeling of chaos and confusion are what you are seeking, it is a good idea to carefully consider where to place your areas of maximum contrast.

HARMONY
Harmony in painting is the visually satisfying effect of combining similar, related elements. eg.adjacent colours on the colour wheel, similar shapes etc.

DOMINANCE
Dominance gives a painting interest, counteracting confusion and monotony. Dominance can be applied to one or more of the elements to give emphasis

UNITY
Relating the design elements to the the idea being expressed in a painting reinforces the principal of unity.eg. a painting with an active aggressive subject would work better with a dominant oblique direction, course, rough texture, angular lines etc. whereas a quiet passive subject would benefit from horizontal lines, soft texture and less tonal contrast.

Unity in a painting also refers to the visual linking of various elements of the work.