To be a really good listener, you have to be sincere in wanting to listen. Only then can you try to put yourself in their shoes and thus understand the topic. Because, after listening you probably would like to respond properly and in a responsible fashion.
1)Patience
Do not interrupt. Sure you have your opinions and views but allow the person finish her last sentence before you say how you feel or what you think.
2)Respect
Always remember different people have different opinions and it might clash from yours. Learn to respect theirs and let them know that. Then, tell them about your side of the coin.
3) Humility
Be humble about your own experiences and learn to accept what others might encounter. Encourage those who might be not in a favourable position and not brag about about your achievements.
4.)Compassion Ear
Listen to the change of tone/pitch of voice to know any tiny details of how the person is doing. Be sensitive about what your partner is talking about. Alot of times, ppl are trying to hide their inner most feelings, so be observant.
5) Attentiveness
Tiredness is one of the main reason that ppl might find you are drifting. Always tell your partner that you might not be as attentive you want to be at the beginning of the conversation, so your partner won't feel offended when u drift away) She might think that you are rude or he/she is boring you)
6)Body language.
As usual, leaning forward to listen. Constant eye-contact. Making subtle signals that you listening like, sighing, nodding, saying occasional "uh huh" and so on...proves that you are listening. If you keep quiet for too long, your partner does not know if you really understood what she/he has said. All this non-verbal signals just allows her to know that you are not a Mr Clueless!
7)Empathetic heart
Feel for the person. Able to understand how the person is going through. Don't give any conclusions of your own without trying to be in the person's shoes.
8)Open-Mindedness
Important that the listener is not judgmental, especially in judging the other's actions by his/her own moral or cultural standards.
Being a good listener is not so hard. Genuinely care about the speaker and what she has to say, from the bottom of your heart. I prefer to watch people closely while keeping my mouth shut, analyzing her body language, motivations, fears etc. While doing my due diligence. I will tell her my conclusions only after I am reasonably sure. It gives them the "I finally met someone who sprung up from nowhere, someone who understands me" feeling. Lends credibility somewhat.
Love your neighbor as yourself in a conversation. Paraphrase what she says, reflect her body language, and try to let the person come up with the answers to her own questions. If she is mourning as she speaks, feel her pain, if she is happy, feel her joy too!
If you can drill right down to what the person needs, it's even better! I like to play therapist which unfortunately means I attract psychos.
Be very careful and exercise caution if you don't want the person to get emotionally attached. Be wary of those with suicidal tendencies for they will cling.
But as a rule of the thumb I always wait for the signal from the other party before I speak. eg, a question, a pause followed by a glance etc. NEVER look at my watch and NEVER assume that I know/can feel/understand everything the person is going through.
