Harry : "Have you seen a little girl,7 years old, short black hair, she's.......eh, to hell with her , I'm not gonna be in the Movie anyway ."
HARRY: I'm looking for my daughter.......
ANGELA: Daddy!
HARRY: huh?
ANGELA: Are you my daddy?
HARRY: I'm looking for my daughter, she's 7 years old, short black hair...
ANGELA: Silly. I am your daughter.
HARRY: Uh, no.
ANGELA: DIE!!!!!!!!
*BANG*
JAMES: Have you seen a little brat around here?
ANGELA: Daddy?
____________________________________________________________
Harry: Sooo...come here often?
Cybil: Are you hitting on me?
Harry: Maybe...I need a back up plan for if I find my daughter dead.
Harry: Hmmm...my heath is red...I'm out of health drinks...no ammo...and my pipe is bent in seven places............I think I'll go fight the final boss now.
Harry: Have you seen my.......
Cybil: For the thousandth time. NO!
*Harry, Heather, Henry and James are all gathered around a table.*
Harry: I had the manly back step.
James: I was the first to use the 2-D control style.
Henry: Well, I could charge my attacks.
Heather: I could block.
*All look at her*
James: All through my adventure and I NEVER though about that...
Henry: Neither did I...And I cam after you did...
Harry: I didn't but my game was on the PS1...didn't even have 2-D movement back then...had to live with that damn Resident Evil set-up.
*All nod in agreement, saying things like "Yeah that's awful", and "The option screen is my first stop every time*
Heather: On the bright side, we could all OWN anyone from and Resident Evil before 4.
Harry: Yeah, I was the first to use a pipe up close and personal!
Henry: The pipe is man's best friend.
James: You know I really felt Gypped.
Harry: Why?
James: Because your handgun held 15 shots before reloading!
Henry: Yeah, that and it was more powerful than any of ours!
Heather: And you got more ammo than any of us the first time though!
Harry: Well that was compensation for the controls...
James: Yeah yeah...whatever...
Harry: And I had to deal with those pain in the ass Gargoyle things...
Heather: So? I had to deal with Pendulums! You haven't been to hell till you've tried to kill one of those!
James: I didn't have to deal with any flying enemies...Well unless you count the final boss.
Henry: Lucky bast...
Harry: Yeah...you could kill almost everything with your 2X4.
James: Yeah but I had to deal with a freaky monster.
*All stare at him*
James: With a big KNIFE!
Henry: So what? I had to deal with Walter! He was impossible to kill, I had to baby-sit Eileen while I did it, and he could DUAL WIELD!
Heather: Nobody cares, Henry.
Henry: Hey, you were my girlfriend in the picture in that one episode of Video modes don't forget!
Heather: Oh for the love of God...
Harry: You try my little girl and I'll make Walter look like a soft bellied Librarian...
Henry: *Sighs*
Cheryl: Sorry have you seen a man around here, short brown hair, about 32 years old?
Harry: What is this? Drugs? I bet Umbrella is behind all this!
Alyssa: Mommy, who's my Daddy?
Dahlia: Well, Alyssa, umm, when a man and woman love each other the stork-
Alyssa: Please don't patronize me Mommy, I just want to know who my father is.
Dahlia: Well, umm, you see...I'm your daddy.
Alyssa: *sighs* Why does that not shock me?
Harry: I've been married. This isn't hell.
Harry: Look you old bat I haven't got time for your riddles. I need to find my daughter.
Dahlia: To find her you must listen to me.
Harry: Bloody hell, you’re just leading me round in circles. I don't like circles; I like lines, read between these lines.
*holds up his middle fingers *
Dahlia: Darkness! Your soul is being consumed by darkness!
Harry: Damn it. James gets hot-stuff Maria, I get a crazy old woman.
Harry: "Cool I can use this radio to detect the monsters!"
*Harry walks about with the radio volume at max*
Harry: "Yes sir, this radio thing was a good idea, me is smart!"
Monsters all over silent hill: "What the hell is that noise?"
*All the monsters head in Harry's direction*
Harry and Cheryl are on there way to Silent Hill.
Cheryl: Are we there yet?
Harry: No.
Cheryl: now?
Harry: No..
Cheryl: are we there now?
Harry: no.
Cheryl: How about now?
Harry: Yes.
Cheryl: REALLY?!
Harry: No...
Cheryl:...
VACATIONS IN WERID TOWNS: THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO
Survival Handbook By Harry Mason
Chapter 23: Locked doors
If you happen to come across a locked door during your travels, I highly advise that you look everywhere for the key, usually a obscure note with arty farty writing that just happens to be hanging around can help you here. Simply blasting the lock with your gun will not work...because doors are annoying magical things you see. The Key is always most likely to be in the last place you will look, such as dog houses, in someone's car trunk, food packets and other weird places. Do not try to get in contact with most of the locals unless they talk in a weird monotone voice, like mine. Anyone else will surely be out to kill you and eat your remains!
*Harry obtains the Katana and goes to face the monsters*
Harry: “Again we meet, you have dishonored my family."
Monsters: "WTF?"
Harry: "What have you!"
*Harry is in the room with the phone in Midwich Elemetery School.Harry is about to get out of the room.the phone rings.Harry answers the phone.*
Harry: Hello?
Voice on the phone:*whispers* Seven dayssss.
Harry: Huh?
Back voice on the phone: No!no! wrong number, close the phone Samara!
Samara : Shit! Sorry wrong number.
Incubus: Please don't shoot me Mr. Mason. I'm actually a good angel sent from the lord to tell you the great news! That someday you shall lead people to
*What Harry hears*
Incubus: RAAAGHH!! BLURGH BLAGH HACK RRAAARRR BLOOOODDD!!! BOOOBS!! AAAARGH!!! FIRE FIRE BURN BURN!!! RAAAARTJJJ!!!! EEEGO BOOGA KILL FOR VITH!! EAT YOUR DAUGHTERS BRAINS!!
Harry: ACK!! DIE!! *Shoots Incubus until it falls down and transforms into Alizer.*
Alizer: Thanks alot Harry! I was only trying to tell you something good!
Harry: HUH?!!
Harry: "Cheryl? Cheryl! Where are you?" *Looks to town* "Aw Hell No! Im saving myself a long, hard and puzzle full horror survival game made by Konami.
I'll just adopt another cute kid."
(Harry does, in fact, adopt another child.)
Harry: So what's your name, sweetheart?
Little girl: Claudia.
Harry: hmmm...
Claudia: AND FOR ADOPTING ME YOU WILL ACHIEVE A PLACE IN
Harry - Why couldn't I just adopt a Chinese orphan?
Harry: Excuse me, have you seen my daughter? She's seven years old, short black hair, really bad dress, maybe carrying a colouring book, left me a pipe and some bullets. Oh and she's sharing a soul with a dead little girl who got burnt and stuff and she can walk on thin air.
Cybil: Yeah.
Dr Kaufmann: Your wife? She's here with you too?
Harry: No, my wife died.
James is hiding in the corner quietly cackling, clutching a pillow.
Dr and Harry look at him, he hides the pillow.
The ending *Harry wakes up in his car feeling all dizzy*
Harry : Why does my brain hurt?
Morpheus : Cause you've never used it before.
Cybil: Have you got a gun?
Harry: Ump... no.
*Cybil hands Harry a gun*
Cybil: Take this. And hope you don't have to use it."
Harry: "You’re going to give me your gun, just like that?"
Cybil: "Yes, now do you have a vehicle?"
Harry: "Nope."
Cybil: "Take my motorcycle, now do you have a phone?"
Harry: "No"
Cybil: "You can have mine, also here a few more things, my credit card, my handcuffs, my badge, my ID, my pepper spray and my baton, oh must not
forget my pants"
Harry: "Your very intrusting considering you just met me"
Cybil: "Damn if I care, I've been off duty for the last ten minutes!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "No"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "No!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "I said no!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "No Cheryl!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "NO!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "NO!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "NO!"
Cheryl: "Are we there yet?"
Harry: "NO!"
*Harry is too busy yelling that he doesn't see Alyssa in the road and runs her over*
Harry: "Oh shit! Look what you made me do, well, what have you got to say about yourself?"
Cheryl: "....................Are we there yet?"
