Talking cock

CONSPIRACY THEORIES YOU HAVEN’T (YET) HEARD OF

In wartime, the Singapore Flyer can transform into a giant anti-aircraft machine gun.

At night, when you’re sleeping, the telcos send ninjas into your home to check your PC to see if you’ve been illegally downloading anime.


Moses Lim Quarantined Over Food Shortage Scares

As rising food prices spark shortage scares, the Gahmen has acted swiftly to control food supplies – by quarantining popular actor Moses Lim.

“We can’t take any chances,” said Ministry of Food spokesperson Mark Kan, who noted that rising food prices have caused unrest in many parts of the world and may be sparking mass shortages.

Mr. Lim was detained by Intestinal Security Department agents yesterday after a taping at MediaCock Studios at Caldecock Hill.

“It was really unfortunate to do such a thing to a chubby Singapore icon like Moses,” Mr. Kan lamented. “But this will ensure that at least 30 more people will have a little something more on their plates for the next few weeks.”

Mr. Lim will be held indefinitely at Whitley Road Detention Centre till the food situation stabilizes. “We think this is appropriate,” said Mr. Kan. “For obvious reasons, we do not believe that Mr. Lim will be able to escape through a toilet like Mat Alamak did.”

A spokesperson for Mr. Lim protested the detention, saying fears of his excessive consumption are overblown. “He’s been dieting on Xando products, and his appetite has been curbed.”

However, Ministry officials say they have to remain cautious, and note that Mr. Lim’s Xando promotion partner, actress Fann Wong, has been relatively quiet of late, and police are investigating if Mr. Lim might have actually accidentally eaten her.