Interestingly, I find that most people don't strive towards having a healthy relationship. I hear women saying they just want to be happy with their partner, or they want to find their true love, or they want to be with the man of their dreams.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these desires, it seems to me that an important part of having these desires met is being left out. What is that blatant omission?
What's missing is the "how" of the process that would lead to their wish fulfillment. How do I create happiness with my partner? How do I create true love? How do I attract the man of my dreams?
The answer to all these "How" questions is the basis for forming the proper foundation for a healthy relationship. There are three basic keys to growing and/or attracting and creating a healthy relationship:
1) Emotional Independence
2) Being True to Yourself
3) Being Honest About Who You Are and What You Feel and Want
The first key, Emotional Independence, is often overlooked by both sexes. Without this construct permeating your dynamic, chances are you will easily fall into an unhealthy dependency, often leading to co-dependency. In this state, you are actually pulling each other down.
Often bringing out the worst in each other and then being reinforced for it actually keeps you down and feeling low. It becomes a vicious cycle where you both feel that the other must meet your needs, or you'll both suffer dire consequences.
Emotional Independence is where you don't make someone else responsible for your happiness. You create it for yourself and the right partner complements you by not imposing his stuff onto you. You take charge of nurturing yourself and emanating positive loving energy. By doing so, you actually provide a role model for your guy to follow in developing his emotional independence.
You come together to share your Selves and your feelings in a healthy manner and save the emotional breakdowns for your therapist's couch or for working through on your own. So find a clever way to verbally express what you feel. You can sort the issues out with the help of others as long as you are in touch with your own inner state.
Then you present yourself with clarity to your partner, thereby creating understanding in your dynamic. This forms a mature interdependence where each person is seen as an individual that is supportive of an evolving relationship.
Many women seem to attain this state when they're not in a relationship, and are severely challenged once they are. But I can't stress enough the importance of attaining and maintaining a solid foundation of Emotional Independence.
