Friend Zone Explained, extremely humorous explanation and true in some ways

The friend zone is one of the oldest and most common traps that women set up to trick gullible losers into an eternity of mental enslavement. The stage is set for the friend zone when the woman is already in a relationship with a real man. As often as 13 year old boys need to curse and swear or watch porn, girls just have to whine about something; therefore she tries to whine to her boyfriend. Being an Alpha Male the guy has better things to do than listening to her complaints about how insensitive he is when he leaves the toilet seat up, how he doesn't call enough, and other crap nobody cares about so he tells her to shut the hell up. Of course after a while of this she will start hemorrhaging angst and will desperately need an emotional tampon to soak it all up. This is when she will lure in a spineless nice guy for her to brutally shove into a bloody cesspool of emotional baggage called the Friend Zone.

The Trap:

The trap consists of a girl feigning interest in some vulnerable beta male whimp.

Part 1 (the mind screw): She will start flirting with the guy until he shows visible signs of becoming hopelessly in love with her. When the guy starts to flirt back, she will suddenly ignore him causing uncertainty which will make him think he's "going too fast" so he will back down. She will then repeat the same thing ad nauseum.

Part 2 (the milking): During the now unbreakable cycle she will tell him all her angst and nonsense while saying lies to keep him interested:

* "Thanks for listening, you are such an angel."
* "Why can't more guys be like you?"
* "You're so cute!"
* "My boyfriend is so mean.... you would make the perfect man."
* "I Heart You" or "I luv you"
* "You are like a brother to me."

She will also hint for him to buy stuff for her which the idiot will. Basically she will milk him for as much attention, hugs, and gifts for as long as she can keep this game up. The guy's belief in these lies will lead to him always being stuck in the friend zone and will cause the incurable "permavirgin" status.

When he asks her out

When a guy actually gains the courage to ask her out she will keep him in by just saying "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", or "I'm not entirely sure of my own feelings" (hinting that there might be hope later), and thus the cycle continues.


She will admit that she wants to be just friends (which is just 1 level of hell less to endure). But it doesn't end there, no sir. When she misses all the gifts and is in need of another emotional sponge, she will go right back to crying on his shoulder and saying how "My BF and I going through a rough time, and I think we're going to break up". She will then show interest in him again, but this time around when he asks her out again she just has to say "Him and I are broken up, but I still have feelings for him...... I'm so confused!" and continue to pine for her old boyfriend while restarting the cycle once again.


She will agree to date him, then unexpectedly call it off at the last minute. The dumb loser won't connect the dots and continue to pine after the upstanding young lady. By the time he figures it out, he's graduated high school and is alone in the basement. *sounds of crying*.

Why do they do it?

Since the advent of feminism women have incorporated the concept that they are more equal than men in life. As such, men have grown up in an environment where women are worshipped and honored because men are so afraid of making a mistake in their opposite sex relationships. Think of it like a dog/owner relationship. All women, at their core, are filthy idiots. This isn't an insult, because it's true. It's science. If someone is a male and finds themselves pining over a girl because she is willing to honor their failure of an existence on this earth with an AIM message once a week asking for computer help or to borrow a few hundred bucks so that she and her boyfriend could rent a cherry picker and make out outside your bedroom window, that person would be only too happy to provide her with said provisions because in their delusional state of neckbearded virginity they think that somehow it will lead to her loving them. In truth, that virgin is her property, not the other way round.

Is There Hope?

NO. There is no hope. You have a better chance of singlehandedly bringing peace to the Middle East than breaking free of the friend zone and dating her. Contrary to what compliments she has given you she would rather take a .357 magnum to the head than to even think about actually dating you.

Well, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Just like you admitted to jacking off to crap you have finally taken the first step to admitting you are one gullible dumbass who is an embarrassment to the male gender. So to get out follow these steps:

1. Violence.
2. Get it in your head that you got played like a fiddle, and you must forget about her.
3. Become "interested" with secunda, and talk to prima about how perfect secunda is, and show a complete loss of intrest for prima. 50% chance that her jealous will drive her to rethink your status, otherwise she will stop leading you on and find another sucker... win:win situation
4. Don't talk to her ever again. Communicating with her will compromise your chances of getting out.
5. Block her from MSN, Myspace, Facebook, and everything else you can think of Screw it. Just unplug your internets.
6. Unplug your phone.
7. Burn your house down, change your name and move to Canada.

Things to say when they call

Alternatively, one can attempt to escape by using one (or all!) of these suitable responses when a woman attempts to use their siren-song on the unsuspecting ears of a lowly virgin:

1. No, I refuse to help you! Good day!
2. Only if you [insert explicit activity].
3. What are you wearing?
4. I know I've never mentioned this before, but I'm hung like a pringles can.
5. Only if you give me a blumpkin.
6. Let's have a sleepover instead!
7. You know, I just came back from my tantra course. They taught us how to give women 45 minute orgasms.
8. Still on the pill?
9. Sure, but before that I want to test out this new swing I installed in my basement.

The Inconvenient Truth

But seriously folks when you really get down to the facts, the said amount of girls who deliberately sap guys for attention & gifts is extremely overblown. This is because the internet is this gigantic cesspool of angry permavirgin nerds who blame all their failures with women on women by furiously typing their rage-induced sob stories and posting it on their blogs, message boards, & imageboards. These are the kind of spineless morons think that if a girl says "Hello" to them, or if they buy a gift for a girl, that suddenly entitles them to sex and if they are turned down they complain that she "Friend Zone'd" or "Led him on".

It's the age-old mentality that can be summed up as the "Nice guy" syndrome: Claiming to be such a "Nice", "Sensitive" and "Caring" guy only to get into a womans pants; but is very quick to turn around and call her a "**" and" "######" the second she turns his sorry ass down, while being completely oblivious to the irony of their own statements. It's one of the biggest examples of victim complex in the Internets today.

The raging crapstorm continues when these guys make this claim that everyone who does get laid by the said girls are a "assholes", or that "girls are only attracted to assholes". This is total nonsense of course and is just more whining to make the supposed nice guys feel all comfortable in their gross ignorance.

As you can see, actual instances of the so called "Friend Zone" are rather rare and most are told by nice guys (and if you do fall into a trap of a women sapping you for attention; your damn fault for falling for such an obvious trap and hope you actually learn from the experience). We would give you some further PROTIPS: in life but you are probably too butthurt by being told the truth you don't want to hear. In fact, keep your immature behavior up, keep blaming women for your inability to get laid, you will just make it easier for the rest of us. Have fun comforting yourself by memorizing the Ladder theory and buying yourself that fleshlight. I'm sure it's as good as the real thing.